Economists Approve New European CO2 Targets – Phew!

24 Jan

Economists! Aren’t they hilarious. With their iPhones and suits, always commenting on everything as if economics were a science, or even a Law of the Universe. And so, after days of prevarication, here we go, the EU has reached a decision on CO2 targets for the next 15 years. All the scientists, that is, the poorer relations of those slick economists, have been calling for a 50% reduction. But, no, oh no you don’t! The decision stops at 40%, to the great relief of the economists, who issue statements after the battle is over: “40% is pretty good, we’re running a low-carb economy here, the EU can say we’re doing our bit, we’re a low-carb region…” Well, there we are. The EU is doing its bit, oh good, should be good enough for the Cosmic Laws to relax and give us a break. Come on, we’re only human, we’ve gotta eat, we’ve gotta buy Damien Hirst paintings!

The EU Outlines 2030 Climate Goals

The economists have trumped scientific opinion, as they should. I mean, scientists, who gives a crap, they’re just nerds with beards, not the owners of slick clothing or warehouse apartments or Damien Hirst paintings, unlike economists, who see the importance of having very good taste in all matters that matter on the market mechanism score. Nuff said, the scientists called for 50% but 40% is good enough. Okay, Nature? Will you just relax, for God’s sake, it’s only a 10% difference and we have to live as well, Christ!

George Osbourne is probably furious, he’d like to have shaved that one down to single digits, this will cost the Exchequer a lot of money, money better spent on… on… well, money better left in the bank earning compound interest. George takes a dim view of all this: I mean, what’s CO2, you can’t see CO2 can you, does it even exist? George W. Bush says, no it doesn’t, it’s all a lot of nonsense. George W. Bush has built a library in Austin, he’s busy pretending the American right-wing still has an agenda with some kind of merit apart from guns, low taxes, and living in the 1950’s. George Osbourne is too smart to talk to him, but nonetheless he retains a set of strong views on CO2. I mean if you’re down the Carlton having a few sagacious words with a couple of businessmen can you also exchange a few sensible opinions with CO2? No, you can’t. Ergo = CO2 is just green crap. Right? Yes, exactly so. CO2 is a fiction invented by a lot of posturing folk with post-doctoral qualifications who ought to be ashamed of themselves for interfering with our recovery. Amen. Good night, Milton Friedman, good night great inventor of the money supply, god of economics, powerful mind imbued with the Nobel Prize. Yes, economics really does cut the mustard when it comes to making decisions about the planet. It does. No, it does. It does. It does. Really! Keep listening to the economists. They have had hundreds of years to get it right. They will get there. They will. They will.

Let’s just hope we get there before they do.

Good night.

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